What I'm Reading: My GOD Vs. Your god; Hilarity in the Bible

Wow. I know the Holy Bible has everything -- tragedy, comedy, supernatural happenings -- but I didn't know that it could be quite so funny sometimes. I've been reading through Israel's history as written in the Bible, and have been going through the kings that ruled over both Israel and Judah. I just read through the part in 1 Kings 20-40 concerning how King Ahab of Israel had fallen away from GOD's statutes and had taken after his wife Jezebel's god Baal. GOD was really upset, to say the least, so he inspired a prophet, Elijah to give the people an ultimatum to get them back on track. GOD inspired him to present some reality programming to the masses in the form of 'My GOD Vs. Your god' (my own term of course). This is probably the most hilarious thing I've read in the Holy Bible thus far. So how did this all go down?

Let me give you a little summary in case you don't feel like reading the text (1 Kings 18: 20-40). First off, Elijah asked King Ahab to gather the people at a particular mountain, where there used to be a sacrificial altar to GOD (which was in ruins and had been replaced by one to Baal). King Ahab's wife Jezebel had made sure to have all the men of GOD executed (save a hundred which someone managed to help escape and hide), while she had hundreds of her own pagan prophets and priests doing all kinds of dirty in the kingdom. Elijah wanted and needed to set the record straight for the sake of the people.

So this is what Elijah proposed:
“I alone am left a prophet of the LORD; but Baal’s prophets are four hundred and fifty men. 23 Therefore let them give us two bulls; and let them choose one bull for themselves, cut it in pieces, and lay it on the wood, but put no fire under it; and I will prepare the other bull, and lay it on the wood, but put no fire under it. 24 Then you call on the name of your gods, and I will call on the name of the LORD; and the God who answers by fire, He is God.”

So the people said, yeah, that sounds like a good, fair way to see who's really boss. So Elijah let the priests of Baal go first. They set up the altar with the meat and get busy calling on their god...and they go at it ALL DAY. Did Baal answer?

And so it was, at noon, that Elijah mocked them and said, “Cry aloud, for he is a god; either he is meditating, or he is busy, or he is on a journey, or perhaps he is sleeping and must be awakened.” 28 So they cried aloud, and cut themselves, as was their custom, with knives and lances, until the blood gushed out on them. 29 And when midday was past, they prophesied until the time of the offering of the evening sacrifice. But there was no voice; no one answered, no one paid attention.

So after the Baals made a fool of themselves in front of the people, it was then Elijah's turn (finally!) to do the same and call on whom he worshiped. But since the old altar of the Lord had been destroyed, he had to do a makeshift one with stones. He then set up the wood and placed the meat on it. He then made a kind of barrier or trench around the altar, which he had people fill with buckets and buckets and buckets of water.

Elijah spoke two sentences to Whom he worshiped saying:
“LORD God of Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, let it be known this day that You are God in Israel and I am Your servant, and that I have done all these things at Your word. 37 Hear me, O LORD, hear me, that this people may know that You are the LORD God, and that You have turned their hearts back to You again.”

That's all Elijah said and did. There was no thrashing about for hours on end. He didn't spill his blood or make an ass of himself like the Baal priests did. So after he spoke, was the fire kindled?

38 Then the fire of the LORD fell and consumed the burnt sacrifice, and the wood and the stones and the dust, and it licked up the water that was in the trench.

Wow! Talk about showing who's boss! Not only was the fire kindled -- which was all Elijah proposed for the deciding factor -- but the fire consumed the meat, the wood, the stones, EVEN THE DUST!, and licked up all the water in the trench too. GOD was not playing around. ...Did the people repent?

Yes, of course. Who wouldn't? But, since I have a bit more to go through the rest of 1 Kings and 2 Kings, et al, I'm sure they and/or the kings mess up again. ...And GOD gives them another chance, and another, and another...(Sigh) Well, no more water; fire next time.

Oh, and yes, the Baal priests were executed. Straight up zero tolerance policy apparently.

Anyway, what do you think of this particular story? Am I alone in my amazement and amusement?

Got any notables from the Bible you'd like to share? -- Leave a comment!




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What I've Just Read: David Commits Adultery, Murder

I've been reading the Book of Samuel 1&2 recently, which primarily concerns David, a king of Israel.

If you're at all familiar with his story, you know that Daniel was a man after GOD's own heart -- he loved the LORD dearly, and the GOD loved him from his youth. No doubt you know also about David and Goliath...how David killed the mighty man (the Tanakh doesn't say Goliath was a giant) using only a sling shot. That was the beginning of 'stardom' for young David, as GOD never let him lose a battle (as far as I've read, anyway). GOD gave him a kingship, territories, wives, riches and anything his heart could desire.

But one day, as David was walking on the balcony or roof of his castle, he spied a beautiful woman bathing. He had his servants fetch her. King David and the woman -- whom he discovered was married to one of his soldiers -- had sex and he sent her on her way.

2 Samuel 11 (NKJV): 2 Then it happened one evening that David arose from his bed and walked on the roof of the king’s house. And from the roof he saw a woman bathing, and the woman was very beautiful to behold. 3 So David sent and inquired about the woman. And someone said, “Is this not Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?” 4 Then David sent messengers, and took her; and she came to him, and he lay with her, for she was cleansed from her impurity; and she returned to her house.

Remember, David already had numerous wives and concubines. Also, the Commandments says folks aren't to covet -- desire that which belongs to someone else -- nor to commit adultery. But apparently the very just and wise King David gave no thought to the law.

So everything was going fine until this woman found out she was preggers with the King's baby. Uh-oh. What was David going to do? Fess up and ask his loyal subject and GOD for forgiveness and try to smooth things over? Nope. King David decided first he'd try his hand at some trickery.

He called back the woman's soldier husband from the battlefield and tried to get him to go home...since men who've been away at war for long periods of time want to hook up with the wife as soon as they return...I guess. But the loyal soldier remained at the castle to protect the King. Oh well, that didn't work too great. What now?

David then decided to have this loyal, innocent soldier placed at the front of the battle so that he would be killed. Sure enough, that plan worked. So David brings the newly widowed woman with child into his home and plans to go on with life as usual after having just committed sins of adultery, lust, coveting and murder. However, GOD wasn't going to turn a blind eye -- kings, common folk, priests, prophets, etc. aren't exempt from His law.

So GOD judged David by killing the baby and cursing his house with violence. Overtime, one of David's male sons raped his half-sister; another son killed that brother in revenge; the murderous son eventually seizes the kingdom from David, who ends up on the run. How far the mighty have fallen!

As I was reading these passages, I kept wondering how David could have so easily sinned, so easily forgotten his GOD's laws. After all, he was the one his servants came to for judgment and settling disputes, and his decisions were usually righteous and fair. What on earth was he thinking by taking another man's wife and then murdering the man? He could have had any other woman on the planet! Now GOD had to take him low for him to regain his right standing with the LORD.

But we all do that, don't we? We're not so different from David. We say we love the LORD, yet many of us still have yet to kick these nasty, unrighteous, unbecoming habits...like drunkenness, greed, cursing, lusting, fornication, cheating, stealing, lying, etc. None of us are perfect, but goodness, if you can't be distinguished from the rest of the world then what kind of Christian are you? That is the whole point, after all, isn't it? To separated from the world because you do not do as the world does. You do as Jesus the King does...live a clean life.

Is there anything in particular that you're trying to change in your life to improve your walk with GOD? As for me, I'm trying to work on my temper...I have too many knee jerk reactions to some things that should be handled with a bit more maturity and calmness.

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